Today I'm Not Miserable.

I read the post I wrote last year on the last day of school. Apparently, I was miserable, confused, lost, and "indescribable."

But today, even though it's the last day of school once again, and I'm a year older, and a step closer to the finale of my beloved childhood, and a year closer on the ticking time bomb threatening to end my highschool career, I'm not miserable, confused, lost, or am I at a lost for words. Though I do miss my friends a lot.

And I don't have a bazillion nostalgic memories and "could've would've should'ves" or regrets running through my mind at the moment. I feel like optimism has been permanently rooted inside me this year. As if the "everything works out in the end" mentality has truly sunk in to stay. I think I've learned a lot about myself--about what I truly believe in, what I'm afraid of, what I can and cannot do, what I want, and what I love. And about other people. And that crossing over takes place in prophase 1.

It was a good year.

Insert Deep, Meaningful April Post...Maybe About the Meaning of Life or Something Like That Here

A Revised Entry From My Journal...that's not really about the meaning of life haha
(5/20/09)

For the past week, I've been trying to clean house. I've thrown away more papers than I've ever thrown away in my life. The Kindergarten papers with the dot-to-dot drawings, the 6th grade Bronze Bow essays (I read them over and am appalled that I used "that" instead of "who"), the random handouts, worksheets, letters, trinkets, I've stuffed all in Costco garbage bags to be shipped off to the dumpster (I wonder if my mother recycled it all). I couldn't keep all the memories anymore because they were weighing down on my house. If you've been to my house, you would have observed that every cabinet, every closet, and every open corner, is one for storing textbooks, schoolwork, and random junk. The house is so much cleaner with all of it gone. I even feel that the air is cleaner somehow. I can open the buffet that's supposed to be used to store forks and plates and not have a bazillion old vocab quizzes or grammar packets fall out. It helps that my mother hired her maid friend to come over and vacuum the carpets (I swear the vacuum cleaner hates me. The lady used the same vacuum cleaner I always use, and she made nice vacuum marks in the floor. I never make vacuum marks in the floor! Vacuum marks = good lol), wash the windows, and sweep, mop, clean the bathroom, etc.

But despite the cleaning, reorganizing, the throwing away, I feel kind of unhappy about it all. I can't help but feel as if I liked things just the way they were before. I'm familiar with mess; I miss my stuff, and I don't like being uprooted. clean air is good. Space is wonderful. A fresh start is what I need. Then why do I complain?

Gone with the Paperclips

Gone With the Wind is such an awesome book. Everyone should read it. Even though it's 1000 pages.

The Balls of My Feet are Killing Me...

...My nails are sore. I can't type faster than 30 wpm, and I cannot pick up hair, lint, or tie my shoes with my fingers. And I almost wounded my eyeballs trying to remove my eye contacts with these fake things. I have an almost-infected cut on my thumb; a cut I have no idea how I received. There's a bruise on my foot from where Joanna stepped on me when we were were learning the waltz (I guess I shouldn't have taken my shoes off). And my body is sore. Probably from trying to dance on those cursed 5- inch heels (according to Florence) and taking pictures in uncomfortable positions.

But the minor injuries were all well worth it I believe.

So formal's just a time to put on a dress and some fake eye lashes and nails, eat dry chicken, take a gazillion pictures, and, at least this year, dance the macarana? to your heart's content.

Fun =).

On a Search for the Perfect Baby Name

No, I'MMM not looking for a baby name, not at the moment at least, haha. However, my aunt and uncle have 3 or 4 months left to find the perfect name for their God-sent child; it's going to be a boy, and he's a miracle-child. They're being very nitpicky about naming this kid; they've poured over a bazillion baby name books and have yet to find " the one." My aunt's name is Sarah, and although my uncle's name is Han, I believe they should name their kid Isaac because when I think of their situation, I can't help but think about Abraham and Sarah in the Bible.

But since I've just given up on my ridiculous homework, and I've just remembered that January's almost ending and that I must update my blog once a month, and since baby names have been my mind for a while, I'll go on my own short, simple, sweet search for a couple baby names for own future kid(s).

Okay, I'm disturbed by the thought of having children. Seriously. I'm too clumsy and careless and silly to be a mother. But okay whatever. Baby names.

Melissa's Future Baby's Name Perequisite:

• Must be pronouncable by all members of family (like by my Grandma)
• Must be meaningful
• Must be unique-ish

I want 2 kids. Sigh. Why am I writing about kids. A boy and a girl. So:

My girl shall be named Hermione. Yeah, she's the girl in Harry Potter. And yeah, she's everything I would want in a daughter (in myself too, but oh well). Brainy, extremely clever, witty, sensitive, loyal, gutsy, and can survive on her own in a tent in the dead of winter.

My boy shall be named Yusseff. I think it's the spinoff Jewish name for Joseph. But I know too many Josephs, so Yusseff works better (I knew a Yusseff from my summer theatre class though, so I know it's a valid name). Joseph is my favorite character in the Bible. He's a leader, problem solver, and knows how to run away from temptation. Plus Yusseff sounds nice with Hermione. Or at least I think so.

Kay, good. I got my names for my future imaginary children. Great.

Wait. Can my grandma pronounce Hermione and Yusseff? Darn.

Today is the Last Day of 2008

I realize I've posted at least once a month ever since I started this blog, and today is the last day of December. And the last day of the year. How utterly depressing.

Hm. Actually, I'm relieved. A new year means erasing the terrible, painful memories of the previous year, the awkward moments, and regrets and what ifs. It's a new start, a new beginning, new adventures! Okay, not really. But I like to think of New Year's this way. So, Happy New Years 2009 everyone (add 5 hours to this post).

Pictures from the "Leaf Raking Party FIRST Fundraiser" in Eric's neighborhood. Eric has a really nice house; I love his balcony. He lives on View Street. And it's obvious why. Except you can't really see it in the picture. Me and Jeffrey are blocking the view. Haha.

That's George Bush (the Christmas tree). He's real; my mother gets free Christmas trees in exchange for donuts. I think he's the best Christmas tree we've ever had. Because he's proportionate. Last year's Christmas tree, Barbara Bush, was kind of crooked.

And these people are my cousins on my mom's side. There's only one boy. He's cute. But he's a spoiled brat. Actually, I think all of us are.

Some cousins from my dad's side. I'm a midget. I used to be taller than ALL those kids. Especially the two standing on the left. I hate growing up. These are the kids I grew up playing idiotic, violent, imaginery games with. Where has all the time gone?

Okay, time to go reflect. Then start an 8 page essay on Benjamin Franklin. What a way to ring in the new year huh.

Goodbye 2008. Good morning 2009.

I'm Thankful for Maroon Leaves, Fabric Softener, and Grace

Before my aunts, uncles, and David, my favorite cousin, come to eat stuff with us, I thought I'd blog...and fold a load of laundry. I've just spent the afternoon doing my favorite thing in the world: I read 2 pages of this new book I started (The Book of Ruth), and then I fell asleep for 4 hours in my warm, cozy bed with the fuzzy, staring teddy bears at my side. (By the way, I'm thankful for warm beds, books, and teddy bears.) So anyway, I decided to make myself a little useful. But you know, I love the feel of warm clothes right from the dryer. And I'm thankful for fabric softener. I'm not sure what it does (I suppose it makes your clothes softer?), but yeah, whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.

Yesterday, as my mother drove us home from school, I noticed, for the first time this year, the long row of red, orange, and golden leaves splashed across baring branches and scattered across Middle Lane. It was truly a most pretty sight; I was just disappointed I hadn't noticed before. For some reason, trees comfort me. They remind me that even though I'm a black dot on the face of the earth, I'm not alone. How they do that, I don't know. ~ Later, I watched my mother cook...she prepared Thanksgiving dinner the day before. But I don't know what she was thinking because I swear she cooked enough to feed the entire Junior class. The pot of curry she cooked (my favorite) was so big, she had to stand on a chair to add ingredients! I realized it was the first time I've ever seen my mother cook curry, and I found it utterly fascinating and comforting to watch. I offered to help, but my mother doesn't let me anywhere near the stove (I'm an abysmal cook, so I might burn the house down). But yeah, I'm thankful for pretty leaves and pretty mothers who cook pretty curries.

That's what I love about Thanksgiving, that today especially, we are thankful for the little things, things we sadly never notice on a daytoday basis. It's a nice, contentment-filled kind of feeling. And I realize Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

And I'm thankful for God's grace. That He loves us and cares for us and never leaves us and allows us to be thankful and have so many things to be thankful for.


Well, my family has eaten their fill and gone home, and I'm so full I can't even sleep. Seriously, I think we're going to have leftovers for three months. We even had 2 turkeys this year because Foodnet make a mistake and accidently gave us 16 turkeys instead of 15, so I guess you can call that a blessing. But anyway, dinner was fun. I found out my cousin's pregnant (my grandmother is going to be a great-grandmother soon), my other cousin's getting married (yay, I love weddings), my great-grandmother died sitting up (terrifying story), and that my mother would kill me if I don't marry an Asian guy (I was seriously taken aback).

All in all, this was a great Thanksgiving. I'm pretty thankful.